wat bout pragnant strippers??
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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