this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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