Me. At least after what I've been through.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Two words: blizzard sex
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
