They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
