She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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