Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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