I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
