I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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