I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
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After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
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He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.