just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.