Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  No...more like a life jacket.

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  (603): Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet? (1-603): No...more like a life jacket. http://tfl.nu/4uwt
  Replies (8) Good night (1619) Bad night (678)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out

  (1-917): View more from New York City

  We've been saying that since '98

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  (917): I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out (1-917): We've been saying that since '98 http://tfl.nu/9f56
  Replies (6) Good night (1333) Bad night (502)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.

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  (412): Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well. (1-412): Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel. http://tfl.nu/ymay
  Replies (5) Good night (714) Bad night (2147)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds

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  (860): And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds http://tfl.nu/xs1z
  Replies (112) Good night (3099) Bad night (978)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.

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  (732): some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america. http://tfl.nu/u0og
  Replies (33) Good night (785) Bad night (4990)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm pregnant just thinking about him.

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  (412): I'm pregnant just thinking about him. http://tfl.nu/pqtq
  Replies (34) Good night (3368) Bad night (4386)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...

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  (770): If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday... http://tfl.nu/nvs1
  Replies (10) Good night (3269) Bad night (751)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.

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  (316): Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip. http://tfl.nu/doru
  Replies (12) Good night (2641) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.

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  (847): Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating. http://tfl.nu/al19
  Replies (10) Good night (2218) Bad night (590)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".

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  (206): he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun". http://tfl.nu/e6oo
  Replies (8) Good night (3426) Bad night (604)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome

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  (507): If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome http://tfl.nu/ndd2
  Replies (4) Good night (899) Bad night (414)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.

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  (215): There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry. http://tfl.nu/7teg
  Replies (8) Good night (452) Bad night (656)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"

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  (978): This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears" http://tfl.nu/n35d
  Replies (4) Good night (1190) Bad night (308)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?

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  (217): Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices? http://tfl.nu/ss4x
  Replies (0) Good night (744) Bad night (284)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me

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  (+44): Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me http://tfl.nu/bng3
  Replies (0) Good night (375) Bad night (730)

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