I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
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