At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.