Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.