Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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