Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
