i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
