What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
