The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
