it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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