I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Your penis caused this!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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