i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
