i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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