I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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