I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
