I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
