I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
