you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
