We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Someone came in the potted fern
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
