I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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