oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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