You made me cry and you don't even care
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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