You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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