remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
