Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's never too late to be topless.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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