take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
