trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
