so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
