I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
did i walk over a car last night?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
