I am in a vortex of obligation.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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