Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
