I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I believe in your delicious
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
