So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
