oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
