sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We are two peas in an std pod
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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