it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
