Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
