whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
