She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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