she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
