So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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