if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
