I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
