something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
