then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
