when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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