also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
