so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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