her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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