I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
