Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
