See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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