So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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