Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Small penises have feelings too.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
