Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize