so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
