trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just found a bag of teeth...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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