you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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