I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
