She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
