I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize