So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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