I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dear god my vagina.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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