the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
