we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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