She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
